Episode 96 – I Want To Say A Few Words: Crafting a Heartfelt Eulogy - Book Launch!
How to Craft a Heartfelt Eulogy
In this episode, Pete and Laura head over to The Writers’ Room for a very special episode. Pete has launched his latest book - I Want to Say a Few Words: How To Craft a Heartfelt Eulogy for a Loved One's Funeral: A Simple Step-by-Step Process, Packed with Eulogy Writing Ideas, Help & Advice from a Professional Eulogy Writer.
“I Want to Say A Few Words: How To Craft a Heartfelt Eulogy for a Loved One’s Funeral” serves as a compassionate companion in the important journey of writing a eulogy. It’s something you may not want to think about today. We understand. But someday, someone you know may need a resource that crafts the words to say at a funeral.
How Do I Write A Eulogy? — Begin The Podcast, Derbyshire Writing School
Welcome to this episode of Begin, the podcast from Derbyshire Writing School. I'm Pete Billingham and my co-host is Laura Stroud. Not only are we the founders of Derbyshire Writing School, but we're dad and daughter too.
Do you want to be a writer and don't know where to begin? We want to help you solve the problems and overcome the obstacles preventing you from being the writer you dreamed of being. There is a place for you in our club.
Pete's New Book: I Want to Say a Few Words
Today we have a very special guest in our hot seat. We have Pete, who is not only our co-host, but also a guest on today's episode. We are going to talk all about Pete's new book.
Pete has been working on this book for some time, and our listeners have been with us on this journey. The book is called I Want to Say a Few Words: How to Craft a Heartfelt Eulogy for a Loved One's Funeral — a simple step-by-step process, packed with eulogy writing ideas, help and advice from a professional eulogy writer.
Pete Billingham is an accomplished eulogy writer and celebrant with a compelling passion for storytelling and life celebration. After a rich career encompassing diverse roles, his love for writing led him on the path of helping others to capture the essence of their loved ones. This has been his role for the last ten years.
People who Pete has written eulogies for have left many incredible reviews, describing him as calming, kind, and compassionate. Pete is renowned for delivering heartfelt, unique eulogies that resonate deeply with those who are grieving, with numerous five-star reviews praising his sincerity. Pete has now turned his expertise into a book.
Pete's Journey as a Eulogy Writer
Laura: Can you tell us a bit about your journey as a writer, and particularly your work as a eulogy writer, creator, and storyteller?
Pete: One thing that happens on a fairly regular basis is that when I've delivered a eulogy at a church or crematorium, somebody will come up to me and say, "That was really interesting. How long have you known John?" And I'll say, "Well, I've never met John." They look at you as if to say, "He sounded like his best friend."
I think that's the highest form of compliment — when somebody says you've captured the essence of their dad.
Let me give you a little backstory. In most of the jobs I've ever done over the years, I've been involved in leadership positions, which always resulted in having to stand on your feet and speak in public. I really enjoyed that. I'm one of those strange people who actually quite enjoys speaking in public.
I think I've become quite good at it over the years because I've done a lot of it — a bit like writers, isn't it? If you want to get good at writing, you've got to read lots of good books and do lots of writing. It's very much like that with public speaking.
I started to think about how I could develop this skill further. I read a lot of books and then I went to Toastmasters — a really interesting organisation and a place where it's safe to learn how to speak in public. If speaking in public scares you, find your local Toastmasters. It is the most positive, encouraging environment to help you learn how to craft and deliver a speech and get really solid feedback.
I did that for many years and became president of the local chapter, Heart of England Speakers. Then in another job I started doing lots of international speaking, some of it using interpreters, which was also very interesting.
Then it was time to make a change. I tried to look at all the things I enjoy and am good at, and what somebody will pay me to do. That came down to being a celebrant, and that's how it started ten years ago — developing a very unique, story-centred approach to eulogy writing.
Who Is This Book For?
Laura: Who is this book really for? And when should someone buy it and read it?
Pete: I would love to think people might buy it in anticipation of needing it someday. However, the reality is that in most instances it will be somebody who has lost someone they love — a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a friend — and they're facing the situation that in a couple of weeks, or even days, there's going to be a funeral or a memorial service, and they want to say something but haven't got a clue what to do.
So they'll do what most people do these days when they want to solve a problem — they type something into the internet, and hopefully this book will come up. It describes in a very simple, step-by-step way how to go from not knowing where to start to ending up with a heartfelt eulogy they feel very proud to deliver on the day.
I want to be clear — this book is not for people who are looking for a template with pre-written paragraphs where you just insert somebody's name. There are plenty of those on the internet. This is for somebody who wants to think and reflect, and take time to really work through the things that made the relationship with that person special.
By the time you finish this process, not only will you have a heartfelt eulogy of seven or eight minutes that you feel confident to deliver, but you'll have a collection of memories you can treasure for years to come.
The Step-by-Step Process
Laura: Can you share how your book guides the reader through this process?
Pete: When people have lost someone they love, the emotions of grief and loss can seem to block the thoughts and processes of what they want to say. This book is for those people who say, "I want to say a few words, but I just don't know where to start."
I've developed a simple system with four steps: researching, drafting, editing, and rehearsing.
That first step — researching — is where you'll spend most of your time. Through a series of worksheets I've developed over the years, you start by asking lots of questions about the person.
One of the places I start with families is to discover what I call character traits and personality themes. We're all a complex mixture of character and personality. Nobody has the unique mix that we have as an individual. I'm looking for what makes this person who they are.
For example, let's say with a mum — she was very maternal. She was always there when you came home from school, baking cakes. She was a shoulder to cry on, she always listened, she wouldn't judge. You start to think there's an overriding life theme here about her. Yes, she could be a bit stubborn at times. But when we strip back everything, what we find is she was a woman whose joy and passion was to be a mum.
You don't often think those thoughts unless you're starting to write about somebody. So the questions and worksheets in this book draw out those thoughts that are there in people's minds but not at the forefront.
This is not a quick fix — not an "hour to a perfect eulogy" kind of book. But in the process of doing it, many people tell me it was quite healing, quite therapeutic. Deeply thinking about somebody you loved and trying to put that into words somehow helps, even in a time when you're feeling incredibly emotional and sad.
The High and the Low of Writing the Book
Laura: What was the high and the low of writing this book?
Pete: The low is probably that I'm a little disappointed in how long it took. Writing is part of my life, and I'm sure our listeners will understand — there are so many other things you have to do that rob you of the focused time you need. You do bits at a time, collect it up, and then do a bit more.
I think I also spent too long trying to get it to one hundred percent perfection, when really we need to get to that minimum viable product — something we've put real time into, but recognising there's a point where you can spend too much time refining.
The high? Even this week, I sat with a family and I heard the phrase. Let me read just a fraction of the foreword, because I think this will tell you why I say it's a high:
"On a frequent basis, I find myself invited into people's homes and lives to help them during a time of deep sadness when someone they love has died. A funeral is being planned. Some words about the person they love will need to be said at that funeral service. The air in the room is as heavy with the scent of fresh flowers as it is with the uncertainty of what is going to happen next.
Opposite me, a small group of grieving people look to me to help them in their time of loss. And then I hear the phrase — a phrase filled with so many emotions: sadness and loss, gratitude, perhaps some guilt, adoration, but above all, love. Hundreds of times I've heard the phrase: 'I want to say a few words at the funeral.' And then it always seems to be followed by 'but.' But what would I say? How would I even start to write some words? Do I have the emotional strength to stand up on the day and speak? Could I actually do it?
Well, this book is why I have written it — because I have sat and heard that phrase so many times that I want to be able to say to those people: you don't need to say 'but' anymore. Here are the answers, in a simple step-by-step basis, for you to do that."
The high is I've now got something I can give people. Six months ago I had it internally but couldn't share it. Now I have, and hopefully it can be multiplied by hundreds of times throughout the world rather than just me sitting with somebody one-on-one. That's the beauty of a book — it goes out into the world and you never know who or how it's going to help somebody.
How to Get the Book
The book — I Want to Say a Few Words — is available on Amazon. Search for Pete Billingham to find it.
You can also visit petebillingham.com for more information, or email Pete directly at info@petebillingham.com.
The ebook includes a downloadable PDF of all the worksheets, so you can either answer the questions in a notebook or print them out and write in the workbook. A paperback version and audiobook will follow.
A Final Word
Pete: I'd encourage somebody not to buy this book just because I want them to buy a book. If somebody listens to this and thinks, "I know the day is coming when I'm going to want to say something about somebody I love" — let me put it away so when that day comes, I've already got the tools I need.
And if there is somebody in your circle of friends or family who right now is facing that situation, this could be the best thing they come across.
I'm very committed to doing the best I can for people. I have one chance to get it right on that day, and I want to do the very best for the families I'm helping. It is a real privilege and an honour to stand up and say the final words that are said about somebody's life.
I do hope that the memories this book helps people bring to mind on that day really do help them say a farewell to somebody they love.
Want to Say a Few Words: How To Craft a Heartfelt Eulogy for a Loved One's Funeral: A Simple Step-by-Step Process
This workbook is far more than a ‘fill in the blanks eulogy template’ process. It’s not about rushing through to a finished eulogy. Pete’s wish is to offer the reader a thoughtful, measured approach to writing a eulogy for your loved one’s funeral that is as unique as the life it celebrates.
What’s included in this book:
✓ An invitation to reflect, remember, and write from the heart.
✓ A four-step process and sixteen practical worksheets to help you craft a memorable eulogy.
✓ A compassionate professional eulogy writer who has crafted over 700 eulogies to guide you.
✓ An empathetic approach to writing a eulogy.
✓ 169 pages - A4 size workbook with lots of space for making notes and capturing memories.
Writing a heartfelt eulogy that honours the life of your loved one starts with this book.
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